Clean jokes thread

[Taylor]

19 minutes ago, Blarg said:

You have become such a humorless noodge. 

Says the guy who used the word "noodge" in a sentence.

[Lou]

5 minutes ago, Taylor said:

"Defend"

It's exactly what you did. 

It's so strange. 

[Taylor]

7 minutes ago, Lou said:

It's exactly what you did. 

It's so strange. 

Not as strange as someone posting a political joke in the Clean Jokes thread.

@T.G. must be sleeping in today.

[Lou]

22 hours ago, Blarg said:

Quit trying so hard Taylor. 

 

[Blarg]

17 hours ago, Taylor said:

Says the guy who used the word "noodge" in a sentence.

Yiddish is always funny.

Noodge.

[Slegnaac]

On 10/16/2022 at 6:10 AM, Blarg said:

Yiddish is always funny.

Noodge.

No doubt why there are so many really funny Jewish comics.

[Taylor]

An old man hobbles into a Catholic Church and enters the confessional.

He doesn't say anything. The priest coughs, trying to get his attention. No response. He coughs even louder. Still no response.

Finally, the priest raps his knuckles three times on the screen.

"Don't bother knocking," says the man. "There's no toilet paper in my stall either."

The priest chuckles. "Welcome back, President Reagan."

[Lou]

On 10/16/2022 at 11:31 AM, Blarg said:

Taylor, we talked about this. You are trying too hard again. 

 

[Blarg]

Reagan was a born again Christian. Biden is a Catholic.

Taylor is trying way too hard. 

[Taylor]

3 minutes ago, Blarg said:

Reagan was a born again Christian. Biden is a Catholic.

Taylor is trying way too hard. 

Dementia caused him to think the church was a bathroom. Very sad.

[Tank]

2 hours ago, Taylor said:

Dementia caused him to think the church was a bathroom. Very sad.

if you have to explain it . . .

[Taylor]

1 hour ago, Tank said:

if you have to explain it . . .

I didn't have to explain it, but I wanted to do a good deed today by throwing Blarg a bone.

[St1ck]

I've now had 3 posts deleted in this thread and I made zero personal attacks. Are the mods going to give me an explanation or is this is how this place is being run?

[Taylor]

10 hours ago, St1ck said:

I've now had 3 posts deleted in this thread and I made zero personal attacks. Are the mods going to give me an explanation or is this is how this place is being run?

I don't get this joke. 

[m0nkey]

5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants.

Now they’re tenants

[T.G.]

Yesterday my wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen, so she sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly.

Today I’m putting a cockroach in the bathroom.

[T.G.]

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final frontier.

[T.G.]

What do prisoners use to call each other?

Cell phones.

[T.G.]

What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance?

Nina.

[T.G.]

What does a house wear?

Address.

[T.G.]

One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.

We don’t have Oleg to stand on.

[T.G.]

What do you say to your sister when she’s crying?

Are you having a crisis?

[St1ck]

On 10/18/2022 at 8:34 AM, Taylor said:

I don't get this joke. 

Do you get it now?

[Lou]

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die?

 

They dilate.

[Taylor]

8 minutes ago, St1ck said:

Do you get it now?

Yes.