The Monkey's Paw

[Taylor]

Make a wish, and the next person grants your wish but it has a negative twist.

FOR EXAMPLE:

Person A: I wish the Angels would finally make the playoffs.

Person B: Your wish is granted! The Angels finally make the playoffs ... one year after you die.

 

I'll start: I wish gas prices would go back down to $3 per gallon tomorrow and for the rest of all time.

[Jason]

Your wish is granted and gas will down to $3 a gallon forever…..but you will have to vote conservative from this point on 

[Jason]

Taylor, you do realize we are going to get a monkey paw (racist by the way) that involves doing gay thinks like blowing dudes right? I don’t think I want to play this anymore 

[Taylor]

54 minutes ago, Jason said:

I don’t think I want to play this anymore 

Your wish is granted. You never have to play this game ever again, but in the 20 seconds per day you'd spend on it, you'll instead get kicked in the balls repeatedly.

[Jason]

27 minutes ago, Taylor said:

Your wish is granted. You never have to play this game ever again, but in the 20 seconds per day you'd spend on it, you'll instead get kicked in the balls repeatedly.

Don’t threaten me with a good time 

[katie]

Your wish is granted. You are not threatened with a good time, but instead you have to listen to Joe Biden sell you a time share for 3 hours. 

[Tank]

14 minutes ago, katie said:

Your wish is granted. You are not threatened with a good time, but instead you have to listen to Joe Biden sell you a time share for 3 hours. 

[tdawg87]

Taylor definitely made a good effort with this thread. 

[Tank]

10 minutes ago, tdawg87 said:

Taylor definitely made a good effort with this thread. 

Your wish is granted. You are not threatened with a good effort, but you are limited to posting and reading only the game day threads.

[tdawg87]

5 minutes ago, Tank said:

Your wish is granted. You are not threatened with a good effort, but you are limited to posting and reading only the game day threads.

[Blarg]

Taylor left out that after you grant and subvert a wish you post your own.

[katie]

I wish Disneyland wasn’t so crowded all the time 

[gotbeer]

16 minutes ago, katie said:

I wish Disneyland wasn’t so crowded all the time 

Your wish is granted.  Now everything will be 20x more expensive at the park, and you will have to buy an extra pass to go to the front of the line, to avoid the sparse lines that make you wait for hours.  

Ah shit, someone actually already used a monkey's paw and wished this before.  

[HanfordGuy]

2 hours ago, gotbeer said:

Ah shit

Your wish is granted and your crippling constipation is gone but replaced with explosive diarrhea between 10:15am-11:45am.

 

I wish I was the owner of the Los Angeles Angels.

[arch stanton]

50 minutes ago, HanfordGuy said:

Your wish is granted and your crippling constipation is gone but replaced with explosive diarrhea between 10:15am-11:45am.

 

I wish I was the owner of the Los Angeles Angels.

The Angels are yours but you are contractually obligated to trade Trout to the Dodgers and hire AJ Pierzinski as manager for life

I wish I had some decent Swiss cheese for the sandwich I'm making

Edited June 17, 2022 by arch stanton

[Tank]

39 minutes ago, arch stanton said:

The Angels are yours but you are contractually obligated to trade Trout to the Dodgers and hire AJ Pierzinski as manager for life

I wish I had some decent Swiss cheese for the sandwich I'm making

Your wish is granted, and you have the best Swiss cheese known to man, but you are now required to eat only Captain Crunch cereal for every meal.

I wish I was taller.

[arch stanton]

17 minutes ago, Tank said:

Your wish is granted, and you have the best Swiss cheese known to man, but you are now required to eat only Captain Crunch cereal for every meal.

I wish I was taller.

You are not 6'11. But your arms are 8 inches shorter so you can never wipe your own ass again

I wish my washing machine was quieter

[Taylor]

5 hours ago, arch stanton said:

You are not 6'11. But your arms are 8 inches shorter so you can never wipe your own ass again

I wish my washing machine was quieter

Your wish is granted. Your washing machine is quieter because it's now a giant bucket full of soapy water. 

We're moving tomorrow and I wish a moving fairy could pack and unpack so we don't have to.

[gotbeer]

34 minutes ago, Taylor said:

Your wish is granted. Your washing machine is quieter because it's now a giant bucket full of soapy water. 

We're moving tomorrow and I wish a moving fairy could pack and unpack so we don't have to.

Your wish is granted.  A moving fairy has packed and unpacked everything for you so you don't have to.  But they tore, ripped, dented and scratched everything so that they are unusable.

I wish that gas prices went back down to $3 a gallon.

[Taylor]

3 minutes ago, gotbeer said:

Your wish is granted.  A moving fairy has packed and unpacked everything for you so you don't have to.  But they tore, ripped, dented and scratched everything so that they are unusable.

I wish that gas prices went back down to $3 a gallon.

Your wish is granted. But you must bring Craig with you every time you fill up.

I wish there were an affordable "folding machine" that can fold clean laundry after it's done in the dryer.

[arch stanton]

27 minutes ago, Taylor said:

Your wish is granted. But you must bring Craig with you every time you fill up.

I wish there were an affordable "folding machine" that can fold clean laundry after it's done in the dryer.

Your wish is granted. Your clothes will be neatly folded without any effort from you but you will have jock itch for the rest of your life

I wish I could dive Palawan one more time

[T.G.]

7 hours ago, arch stanton said:

Your wish is granted. Your clothes will be neatly folded without any effort from you but you will have jock itch for the rest of your life

I wish I could dive Palawan one more time

Your wish is granted, but you have to drive Palawan with the poster known as 1961 and you cannot exceed 5 MPH.

 

I wish there was a cure for cancer 

[arch stanton]

3 hours ago, True Grich said:

Your wish is granted, but you have to drive Palawan with the poster known as 1961 and you cannot exceed 5 MPH.

 

I wish there was a cure for cancer 

https://www.palawan-divers.org

[T.G.]

11 hours ago, arch stanton said:

Your wish is granted. Your clothes will be neatly folded without any effort from you but you will have jock itch for the rest of your life

I wish I could dive Palawan one more time

Your wish has been granted, but you only get to dive for five minutes because you have to then get in a car with 1961 and drive cross country.

I wish I didn’t F up this thread.

[Slegnaac]

2 hours ago, True Grich said:

Your wish has been granted, but you only get to dive for five minutes because you have to then get in a car with 1961 and drive cross country.

I wish I didn’t F up this thread.

Your wish has been granted, all of your posts on Angelswin.com along with your user account have been erased from the database, never to be seen again.

I wish the 2022 labor dispute had shortened the regular season to 44 games.

Edited June 18, 2022 by Slegnaac