Cancer

[ten ocho recon scout]

2 hours ago, HaloMilliVanilli said:

Condolences to you TORS.  Losing those close to us is hard to describe.  That pain, that loss, unlike just about anything else.

Your description of what you're going through really hit the nail on the head, really tapping into what many of us have felt but couldn't put into words so well.  It's funny, I was just having a discussion about family drama with a few friends and said something along the lines of "I feel like I like my friends more because I got to choose them.  Family, for many, can be these people that you spent too much time around, sometimes so much that you build up this distain for them and had no choice in the matter.  And then the end comes and you begin to recognize that you've collected all these memories but not enough evidence (pics) and you've got pics of things that didn't last.  You'll cry for some of your friends but such a small percentage of those you call friends in life will earn that.  

I'm the youngest of 15.  My parents have both passed on and I have so little to remember them by.  Most of those memories are "owned" by my older siblings.  Your story will likely inspire me to reach and see if I can obtain some copies of my own memories.

Not sure how hard it would be, but yes, grab what you can

My Dads side of the family sucked, so I never knew them growing up.... and the few pics of my Dad as a kid were burned by his step dad, who was a bad drunk

My family never had a camera growing up, so very few pics of my fam are out there either

Finally my Moms side of the family.... the only living relative my Mom doesnt get along with... and she cleared out my grandmas house before anyone else got a chance, and disappeared. So my fam lost out on that stuff. And the little my grandma left to my aunt, all my uncles and grandpas stuff (they were already gone) went to one aunt, who then died, and all of that stuff was gone, too

And youre right. Some families have issues, and I get how many grow apart, and your friends are closer. Im not close at all w my sister, but have friends i consider to be brothers

But shit. Ive done so many things in life with those brothers.... and lost with "somebody that i used to know". Not near enough w my old man before he went

In january they said good news, the PSA levels were normal, they were switching him to knew chemo that works miracles. Figured that would take care of it. By March they said it spread everywhere, take him home and he'll be gone in 2 weeks. 

Dont take time for granted, gents

[ten ocho recon scout]

my Dad was doing fine until last year. Then he finally started chemo. I missed the whole process, because of Covid. Stayed away because my job, and his immune system being down. I feel so robbed

But my best friend lost his mom to cancer 5 months ago. She fell, broke her leg. Hospital told her they found advanced cancer. She died 2 months later, never left the hospital. My buddy saw her a week before she fell, and the day she died, when she was already basically gone. Covid, no visitors

So i have to be thankful for what positives i did get

[Tank]

maybe someone here can help me . . . if nurses and doctors can gown up, glove up, and mask up to see patients, then why can't we? It would royally suck not to be able to go in and see a parent, spouse, sibling, etc.

[T.G.]

4 hours ago, ten ocho recon scout said:

But once it got worse (from already terrible) that was bad times..... you get to the point where you start wanting them to go

Especially the last day... the last hours... the last half hour...

Brutal, and I hope to never have to do that again.

I hear you, brother.  You do get to the point where you just ask God to take them... It's incredibly hard.  Effing hard.

[T.G.]

I remember being the doctor's office when they told my dad there was nothing more they could do for him (he battled for a couple years).  I don't think my dad realized what he had been told.  He didn't really react.  He passed within the week after that news. 

My mom's last few months were horrible.  She had pulmonary fibrosis and her death was painful. It really killed me to see her suffer so much.  I remember her sitting up on her next to last day and saying, "I'm going to be okay."  She passed the next day.  That time when they're "sleeping" and you're just waiting is the worst. 

They say the hearing is the last thing to go.  So in each case, I kept talking to my parents and my father-in-law.  I made sure I told them everything I needed to say. 

My dad has been gone for 14 years and my mom has been gone for 7 and there isn't a single day that goes by where I don't think about them.

It sucks for anyone to go through this stuff.

[WicketMaiden]

My deepest sympathies @ten ocho recon scout I hope you find some solace now that your Dad is at peace. Cancer is a truly horrendous experience for all involved.

And sympathies to you other guys too @True Grich @Tank @Blarg @mtangelsfan - I seem to have some dust in my eyes from reading.

I lost an uncle to cancer on Monday. He had three types over about 10 years but it finally got him. He's been through absolute hell that bloke and he is one of the nicest, gentlest souls you could meet. Isn't it always the way?

So that makes it both grandmothers, one grandad and two uncles lost to cancer over the years. I'm sure that won't be the final tally when all is said and done. I'd like to go Blarg's way given the choice - drowning on a fishing trip sounds a pretty fine way to check out given the alternatives.

Take care all.

[ten ocho recon scout]

13 hours ago, True Grich said:

I remember being the doctor's office when they told my dad there was nothing more they could do for him (he battled for a couple years).  I don't think my dad realized what he had been told.  He didn't really react.  He passed within the week after that news. 

My mom's last few months were horrible.  She had pulmonary fibrosis and her death was painful. It really killed me to see her suffer so much.  I remember her sitting up on her next to last day and saying, "I'm going to be okay."  She passed the next day.  That time when they're "sleeping" and you're just waiting is the worst. 

They say the hearing is the last thing to go.  So in each case, I kept talking to my parents and my father-in-law.  I made sure I told them everything I needed to say. 

My dad has been gone for 14 years and my mom has been gone for 7 and there isn't a single day that goes by where I don't think about them.

It sucks for anyone to go through this stuff.

The Dad story hits home. When they gave my Dad the news, he cried a bit... but he was so delirious I dont think he understood. When we brought him home, he improved big time. And he told me a few weeks back that hes getting worried, but then he keeps having good days so hes hopeful

Then he got mad because the hospice nurse couldnt tell him when hed be better

That was a whole different stress. I didnt want him to know. So I always acted normal and upbeat around him. Kept making plans for when he got better.

I think he figured it out and didnt say anything to us.

He handled it with a ton of dignity

The last good hour or two we had w him was a week ago. He wasnt eating anymore. I finally got him to eat some ice cream. He was really week. He ended up taking it away from me, grabbing the ice cream and spoon. First thing he did was get a spoonful, and feed it to me. 

He went out of it about 2 hours later, for good. His last conscious act was to worry about me.

He was an amazing person.

[ten ocho recon scout]

1 hour ago, WicketMaiden said:

My deepest sympathies @ten ocho recon scout I hope you find some solace now that your Dad is at peace. Cancer is a truly horrendous experience for all involved.

And sympathies to you other guys too @True Grich @Tank @Blarg @mtangelsfan - I seem to have some dust in my eyes from reading.

I lost an uncle to cancer on Monday. He had three types over about 10 years but it finally got him. He's been through absolute hell that bloke and he is one of the nicest, gentlest souls you could meet. Isn't it always the way?

So that makes it both grandmothers, one grandad and two uncles lost to cancer over the years. I'm sure that won't be the final tally when all is said and done. I'd like to go Blarg's way given the choice - drowning on a fishing trip sounds a pretty fine way to check out given the alternatives.

Take care all.

hang in there, my friend

Cancer is so common, that ai guess i never gave it much thought. Ive seen so much death in my life that I always thought cancer was natural, better than a gunshot or whatever.

Nope. Watching that slow progress is horrible. 

Punctuating it is knowing how bad the chemo did him. His last year was brutal. Did him no good. And it only got worse from there.

And because of covid, he (and so many others) had to go through it, mostly alone. Not even able to simply go out to eat when he had his rare good day.

Im so thankful he had my mom, and that they were so on love after 40 years. 

Trying real hard to find positives, i guess

[T.G.]

@WicketMaiden - Saying, I'm "sorry for your loss" is becoming an all too regular occurrence.  That being said, I am sorry and wish you and your family peace during this time.

[Stradling]

On 5/4/2021 at 9:48 AM, ten ocho recon scout said:

Was looking around here for the old thread about Dads, and found this one. (If anyone can bump the Dads one, please do)

Just lost my Dad from Cancer... he joins my Grandpa, Aunt and Uncle from it

Day after we get news his buddy down the street, who retired on Friday of last week (at 70) is stage 4

Of all the bad shit ive seen in life, this was the worse to watch. We had him home on hospice and watched him go. Im glad we were there with him, but Ill never shake having to go through that, ever.

Spend time with your parents if theyre still around, gents. We're all on borrowed time.

Was going through old pictures, looking for some of him. Dont have anywhere near enough. Have tons with people i havent talked to in years, and dont miss. Idiot friends i grew apart from, old girlfriends, etc etc. None of them are gonna make you cry when theyre gone... dont get too busy for the ones who will

Hey TORS, sorry to hear about this.  I believe I created a thread when my dad passed away 6 years ago and it might be the one you are talking about so I will look for it.  My dad was one of the lucky ones, in the sense he had a blood disease they call a type of cancer but it came with none of the pain associated with cancer.  

You shared in another post that you invited your friends to come see him.  My best friend @Skram went to visit my dad with me in the hospital two days before he passed.  The last words I heard my dad speak, was “I love you too” when saying goodbye to my best friend.  It was touching beyond belief.  

[Stradling]

On 5/5/2021 at 12:01 PM, ten ocho recon scout said:

The Dad story hits home. When they gave my Dad the news, he cried a bit... but he was so delirious I dont think he understood. When we brought him home, he improved big time. And he told me a few weeks back that hes getting worried, but then he keeps having good days so hes hopeful

Then he got mad because the hospice nurse couldnt tell him when hed be better

That was a whole different stress. I didnt want him to know. So I always acted normal and upbeat around him. Kept making plans for when he got better.

I think he figured it out and didnt say anything to us.

He handled it with a ton of dignity

The last good hour or two we had w him was a week ago. He wasnt eating anymore. I finally got him to eat some ice cream. He was really week. He ended up taking it away from me, grabbing the ice cream and spoon. First thing he did was get a spoonful, and feed it to me. 

He went out of it about 2 hours later, for good. His last conscious act was to worry about me.

He was an amazing person.

My dad took the news of his diagnosis in stride and I assume it was because he was a man of faith.  Those last few days I think he knew he wasn’t coming home from the hospital, but was in good spirits when we were around.  The single most humble person I have ever met.  He passed away at 83.

My mom had her cancer removed, only to have it come back. When it came back, she went quick.  She was in the hospital when they realized it came back, she had a trach in and so she was writing everything down.  She wrote down, “I am dying”, which was absolutely brutal to read. That was on a Friday.  She was supposed to come home from the hospital and go on hospice that weekend, she ended up dying in the hospital that Monday, never went home.  Passed away at 59.

My brother had cancer of the jaw, from smoking, they removed it.  When it came back it came back in his spine.  I was with him in the hospital for a doctors appointment when they told him it had come back and that it was terminal.  My brother didn’t understand or was confused in the moment and he looked at us and said, “well at least they caught it early”.  So we had to explain to him that they didn’t catch it early and what his diagnosis was.  Fucking brutal.  He never got his license, rode his bike to work 10 miles each way.  He went from working 40 hours a week, riding his bike 100 miles a week, healthy in that sense, to dead in 5 weeks.  He was 44 years old.

My sister (58) was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer back in September.  My other brother and I went to see her in the hospital around the time she got her diagnosis.  She was in BAD shape, because at the same time she had pneumonia and COPD.  She was living in North Dakota.  A month or so later, my wife and I went out to ND to move her back to California so she could move in with her daughter.  She was pretty sick and traveling with her, during covid, with her coughing and being on a breathing machine was a challenge.  There were more than a couple of dirty looks sent her way, which was then caught by my dirty look back at the person.  When we first got her back here it was a rough go, at the hospital twice, once during Thanksgiving and once during Christmas.  At that time I am still working full time and Covid was ramping up, so I didn’t see her for the holidays.  That being said she is not on chemo but a chemo like pill and since she has been on that she is doing surprisingly well.  When we were in ND with her, I honestly felt (because I had seen this before) we were on our final weeks or months with her.  She is not currently on her breathing machine.  She is moving around well.  She is still terminal, but is in denial about it.  And like TORS with his father where he didn’t really want him to know, that is the approach I am taking with my big sister.  She says she is going to beat this.  She says she is going to kick cancers ass.  I guess it is the only attitude you can have.  

I fucking hate it all.   But I will cherish my time with my sister and my brother and I will continue to miss my dad, my mom and my oldest brother Paul.  

[ten ocho recon scout]

absolutely brutal @Stradling

Thanks for bumping these threads by the way

theres still another one out there if you can find it. It was multiple pages long... not sure what the title would be, but is all about dads