OC Register: Angels’ Andrew Heaney opens up about mental, emotional toll of injuries

[AngelsWin.com]

ANAHEIM — An MRI exam could show Andrew Heaney that there’s nothing structurally wrong with his elbow, but it could do little to ease what’s been going through Heaney’s mind.

As the Angels left-hander has dealt with a second consecutive season of starting the season on the injured list, after missing most of two seasons with Tommy John surgery, he admitted that the entire process has at times become almost too much to bear emotionally.

“I’ll wake up and say ‘My body is a piece of (expletive),’ ” Heaney said. “Like it betrayed me. I hate myself. I hate my body. Like there are times that is like genuinely going through my brain, but that is not (expletive) healthy.”

Speaking to reporters for the first time since the news of his latest setback and the subsequent news that he was cleared to resume throwing in about a week, Heaney opened up for 20 minutes in a mostly empty Angels clubhouse Friday afternoon.

In a calm tone, with measured words sprinkled with expletives, and with his eyes moistening at times, Heaney described the emotional and mental struggles for a high-level athlete who is fed up with injuries.

“I would love to be standing here telling you guys about my first start of the season and not (expletive) talking about injuries,” he said. “Trust me. I don’t want to talk to you guys about this (expletive). But I’m trying to be honest, as honest as I can be with what I’m willing to put forth. … I would love to scream from the mountaintops everything that’s going on, but it’s not going to help anybody.”

Heaney, a 27-year-old who has been in the majors between injuries since 2014, received a cortisone shot earlier this week to deal with his latest round of elbow inflammation. The good news is that he dealt with the same issue last year, and the cortisone injection was sufficient to get him started and he pitched a team-leading 180 innings.

This spring, Heaney felt a similar issue with his elbow. In retrospect, he believes it he tried to pitch through it too long this time.

Heaney then launched into a soliloquy about the difficulty of distinguishing between normal soreness and injury.

“I know everybody thinks that we don’t know what the (expletive) we’re doing in here, but there is a balance to everything,” Heaney said. “And I think that if every guy shut it down every time that they felt any little thing like we wouldn’t have a (expletive) baseball league, like we wouldn’t have anybody playing baseball. So I think that people maybe don’t understand how difficult it is. People don’t understand. I don’t want to get on a soapbox, but it is a lot more difficult than, you know, what people see from the outside.”

Heaney added that he wished he could more accurately sense what’s going on in his body.

“Listen, I wake up every single day and wish that I could close my eyes and I had just a (expletive) bar graph of what my body was feeling,” he said. “What’s my hunger level at? What’s my fatigue level, hydration level, my pain level? I would love that. But that’s not a real thing.”

Heaney admitted that he hasn’t always been honest with trainers about what he was feeling.

“That’s extremely difficult, when it’s not evident that you’re about to drive off a cliff,” Heaney said. “It’s not easy. We all know throwing a baseball is not conducive to health. Your body wasn’t built to do that. It does take some real introspection, perspective, to understand. I’m trying. I’m really trying to get there.”

Heaney’s latest issue first became public after his March 3 start in spring training. He missed his next start, but then he tried to pitch again. He felt the issue again after pitching. He felt it again after a bullpen session on March 25, resulting in an exam and a CT scan on Monday. He then got the cortisone shot.

In retrospect, Heaney said he didn’t react properly to the signs. He now has a new plan, with the Angels medical staff, to prepare himself.

“We’re going to change some of the ways we do some treatments, some workload stuff,” he said.

He said he’s not sure how quickly he’ll be able to return to the rotation, admitting that he’s “the boy that cried Wolf, so I don’t really have the credibility to really dictate how I want things to go.”

While Heaney waits for his elbow to allow him to pitch, he continues to deal with the emotional struggles, admittedly while living in a world in which players don’t typically discuss these type of issues.

“Some guys talk about it, some guys don’t,” Heaney said. “You don’t go around the locker room, like ‘Hey, who’s in a really (messed)-up place right now? Come talk to me.’ You don’t do that.”

Heaney said he feels that all people who have physical issues go through the mental struggles he’s endured.

“I know I’m not the only person that feels that way, not even in baseball, just in life,” he said. “Every (expletive) day people wake up and say, you know, ‘I hate myself. I hate my body. I hate where I’m at, what I’m doing here on this (expletive) earth?’ ”

Heaney admitted that earlier in his career he came close to quitting. He said after frustrating stretches in the minors that he longed for simpler life.

“I remember going home and I called my wife and I talked to my agent and I said, ‘There are some days that I wish I was in Oklahoma sitting on the (expletive) Turner Turnpike just taking tickets in a toll booth so that I can go from 9 to 5 and go home and spend my day like everybody else does,’ ” Heaney recalled. “Then you snap out of it and you go, ‘I was blessed with an amazing ability and I owe it to myself and to everybody else to use that to the best of my ability.’ ”

Now, he just wants to be able to do that again, to pitch again. Asked if he feels “positive” about the latest diagnosis, Heaney said: “Feeling positive is a strong term.”

Optimistic?

“I generally see myself as a pretty realist-type person, so I think optimism isn’t something easy for me to come by,” he said. “For who I am, yes, I would say I’m optimistic.”

SIMMONS UPDATE

Andrelton Simmons said he felt better a day after coming out of a game with a stiff back, and he could have played on Friday night if Manager Brad Ausmus had put him in the lineup.

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“It feels good,” Simmons said Friday after an MRI exam came back clean. “I thought I was going to be a little sorer with some symptoms but it feels good. Range of motion feels good.”

Without Simmons in the lineup, the Angels moved Zack Cozart to shortstop and played David Fletcher at third.

ALSO

JC Ramírez, who is rehabbing from Tommy John surgery, has thrown all of his pitches in bullpen sessions and is getting closer to being ready to face hitters, Ausmus said. Ramírez is expected back sometime in June or July. …

Shohei Ohtani continues to take batting practice on the field, but he’s doing so early in the day, before the rest of the team starting hitting in preparation for the game. Ausmus said batting practice gets “ramped up a little more” if a player is hitting with teammates, and the Angels are still trying to “avoid that right now” with Ohtani.

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[jsnpritchett]

While I appreciate his frankness, this article has me concerned about his overall mental well-being.  He sounds like he needs help.

[UndertheHalo]

Great article.  It’s cool that he was willing to open up about all of it.  I know a lot of us bitch about the injuries.  It’s frustrating.  But as evidenced by this article it’s X10 for these guys. I hope Heaney can get something going that works for him and is back in the Angels rotation soon.  The Angels pitching is a lot better when Heaney is in the mix. 

[UndertheHalo]

1 minute ago, jsnpritchett said:

While I appreciate his frankness, this article has me concerned about his overall mental well-being.  He sounds like he needs help.

I don’t think so, I think being open to talk like this and share his feelings is actually pretty healthy.  I’m sure the Angels are giving him whatever support he needs.

its normal to feel lost sometimes. 

[FabulousFabregas]

Great honest interview, I hope Heaney can get his health together. His frankness is the complete opposite of Scioscia's old postgame interviews.

[Make Angels Great Again]

Heaney just shot up my "rooting for" list.

[tdawg87]

I like the cut of his jib.

[Jason]

I feel bad for the guy and I hope he gets through this but I think it's time for the Angels to make plans that do not involve him. If he recuperates, then that is a bonus for them. Unfortunately all our bodies have a limit. God knows I can throw my back out by scratching my ear. Not everyone is cut out for the physical demands of professional sports.  

[Broad Street]

If he wants to come back to Oklahoma, he'd probably be picked up to be an assistant coach at either OSU or OU pretty quickly.

[Claude]

He’s definitely frustrated. If he suffers another significant long term setback he may just decide to walk away. It can’t be easy trusting your arm to survive throwing 91+ mph while experiencing soreness and discomfort especially with everything he’s been through. 

[Jay]

I feel for the guy, he's worked all his life to get here.

 

[Second Base]

Heaney is one of the most down to earth players you'll ever meet. He's the sort of guy that will give more of himself to others than anyone around. He's very personally invested in serving others. He's just being real. He's hurting in his heart, and that makes some people uncomfortable. He's a really good man. 

[halonatic13]

3 hours ago, Jason said:

"God knows I can throw my back out by scratching my ear."

So true unfortunately!

[vlad27]

4 hours ago, UndertheHalo said:

I don’t think so, I think being open to talk like this and share his feelings is actually pretty healthy.  I’m sure the Angels are giving him whatever support he needs.

its normal to feel lost sometimes. 

I agree it’s healthy to talk about it and work through it . It’s ultra frustrating when you are good at something you enjoy and your body is stopping you from doing it . 

 I’m a musician , I play lead guitar and sing Harmony or lead in 3 different bands here in Az - since Jan 1 my voice hasn’t been 100 percent due to a nasty flu , a subsequent sinus infection , and massive seasonal allergies one after another - there are days I’m so frustrated by it and that’s only for 3 Months - Heaney is dealing with years - I hope he can get healthy and stay that way he’s a talented guy 

[Stradling]

One of the most honest interviews I’ve ever read.  I loved it.   You have to wonder what roles places like Twitter have in a situation like this.   He obviously puts a lot of pressure on himself, but when finding out half of your fans think you’re a pussy because your body fails you, it’s gotta sting.  Hell we here could do a lot better at expressing our frustration with our injured players.  How many times have we read on here that a dude has sprained his vagina, or he tore he labia?  These dudes care much more than we seem to realize.  

[Fish Oil]

14 hours ago, tdawg87 said:

I like the cut of his jib.

His jib is cut now? Another injury? WTH?

[Jeff Fletcher]

48 minutes ago, Stradling said:

One of the most honest interviews I’ve ever read.  I loved it.   You have to wonder what roles places like Twitter have in a situation like this.   He obviously puts a lot of pressure on himself, but when finding out half of your fans think you’re a pussy because your body fails you, it’s gotta sting.  Hell we here could do a lot better at expressing our frustration with our injured players.  How many times have we read on here that a dude has sprained his vagina, or he tore he labia?  These dudes care much more than we seem to realize.  

I didn’t fit it in there, but Heaney also did refer to the fans and how they just don’t get it. Similar comments to what Skaggs said.

I understand fans’ frustration when guys can’t pitch or when they struggle, but if they think it’s ever for lack of effort or because they don’t care or because they’re just soft or some other nonsense that gets spouted sometimes, that’s just ridiculous. 

[bloodbrother]

Very candid stuff from Heaney and much appreciated that he opened up like that. Injuries suck

[DCAngelsFan]

4 hours ago, Jeff Fletcher said:

I didn’t fit it in there, but Heaney also did refer to the fans and how they just don’t get it. Similar comments to what Skaggs said.

I understand fans’ frustration when guys can’t pitch or when they struggle, but if they think it’s ever for lack of effort or because they don’t care or because they’re just soft or some other nonsense that gets spouted sometimes, that’s just ridiculous. 

Yeah, these guys couldn't reach those levels if they were soft or didn't care - there's just too much competition.  It's definitely one of the downsides of "fandom" that so many take it as a personal affront and think its ok to insult players who aren't perfect.  The only thing I'll ever "boo" is a lack of effort or a lack of class. 

 Most of us have fallen short of the heights he's reached - (whether in baseball or in other professions) a lack of talent, an injury, bad luck, whatever.   So, most of us can empathize - it's a little raw to hear him speak this way, but it's real and honest - thanks to you for writing this, and thanks to him for sharing.  

All that said, I'd like to buy him a beer 

[eligrba4ever]

I hope the clouds clear for Heaney. But self-confidence is a big part of his job; and he seems to be, if not in a dark place, within pitching distance of a gray place. Let the sun shine in.

[TBailey]

If he can stay healthy when he returns, if he returns, he will dominate. It’s times like these that test a player’s faith. It makes you cherish the game. So if he gets the chance to pitch soon, he’s going to hold on to that moment and ride the bull by the horns. No doubt. I was blessed enough that I played this sport for many years. I dealt with injuries as well. No, not in the pros but playing my way through my entire college career and let me tell you, as an injury keeps reoccurring, anyone would feel the way he does right now. This guy is a awesome and he’s someone that I hope returns to the mound very soon because we haven’t seen the best of him yet.