35 slogans for college majors - if they were honest

[Vegas Halo Fan]

Chemistry: Where alcohol IS a solution.

 

Biochemistry: Spend 4 years aspiring to discover the cure for cancer, and the rest of your life manufacturing shampoo.

 

Archaeology: If you don’t know what it is, it’s probably ceremonial.

 

Information Technology: Let me Google that for you.

 

Computer Science (for a straight girl): The odds are good, but the goods are odd.

 

Political Science: Your opinion is wrong.

 

Aerospace Engineering: It actually is rocket science.

 

Engineering: The art of figuring out which parameters you can safely ignore.

 

Structural Engineering: Because architects don’t know what physics is.

 

Philosophy: Think about it…

 

Communications: We’ll teach you everything you need to know to convince your friends that your degree is meaningful.

 

Speech Pathology: We have ways of making you talk.

 

Linguistics: Studied 17 languages, am fluent in none of them.

 

Criminal Justice: We’re here because of Law & Order reruns.

 

Photography: It’s worth a shot.

 

Statistics: Where everything’s made up and the numbers don’t matter.

 

Anthropology: It’ll get you laid, but won’t get you paid!

 

Zoology: Because you can’t major in kittens.

 

Psychology: Good luck doing anything until you get your master’s!

 

Premed: I’ll probably switch majors in two years.

 

History: History may repeat itself, but you definitely will.

 

English: So you want to be a teacher.

 

Film: Forks on the left, knives on the right.

 

Astrophysics: Eh, I’m within an order of magnitude.

 

Creative Writing: Because job security is for pussies.

 

Latin: Because useful is overrated.

 

Physics: Everything you learned last week is wrong.

 

Nursing: Learning to save other’s lives while struggling not to take your own.

 

Marine Bio: I wanted to play with dolphins…but I’m looking at algae instead.

 

Accounting: Selling your soul for money.

 

Finance: Accounting was too hard.

 

Journalism: Learn how to construct an argument that no one will pay to listen to.

 

Art History: And you thought that MAKING art was pointless!

 

Music Performance: If you don’t hate yourself, you’re doing it wrong.

 

Graphic Design: No, we aren't artists. We are designers. There’s a difference.

Edited July 7, 2015 by Vegas Halo Fan

[Spencer]

I feel slighted

[Vegas Halo Fan]

I had a classmate at the University of Oklahoma who got a master's degree in Oriental history. Determining why OU even had such a major, much less offered post-graduate degrees in it, was as puzzling as trying to figure out what kind of job that it might qualify him for.

For about half of the majors on the list, my mind goes back to the Enterprise Rent a Car commercial in which they brag that they hire more college graduates than any other company in America. Perhaps the narrative for some of these might read:

Would you like to upgrade to the mid-sized sedan for $5 more per day?

Edited July 7, 2015 by Vegas Halo Fan

[arch stanton]

Mine would be

 

Technical Management: Because the big companies won't promote you past L-4 without a degree

[Vegas Halo Fan]

I can identify with a couple of these. As a freshman at the University of Florida, I was a pre-med major - along with about half the university. It didn't take me two years to figure out that that particular dream wasn't happening. From that I moved on to psychology, and that assessment is dead on. You can do virtually nothing with less than a master's, and most things require a doctorate. Getting into graduate school had even worse odds than getting into medical school (because so many more people were trying and there were few openings). That degree landed me a dead end desk job before I went to nursing school about 15 years later.

[mp170.6]

I guess Economics is a real degree since it's missing from the list...

 

what a relief. 

[ELEVEN]

I guess Economics is a real degree since it's missing from the list...

what a relief.

My nephew is Majoring in that at NAU.

I have no idea what that is or what kind of career path it entails?

I will take your answer off the air, thanks.

[fan_since79]

Medieval French Literature: Because poverty is wonderful.

[Schildog]

Finance: Accounting was too hard.

 

 

exactly the case for me.

[the dude abides]

Medieval French Literature: Because poverty is wonderful.

 

Reminds me of the exchange in Groundhog Day:

 

Rita: Believe it or not, I studied nineteenth-century French poetry.

 

Phil: What an incredible waste of time.

[Blarg]

The one for English isn't very good because you have to actually do an extra couple of years in a separate degree program to even become a teacher.  If you degree is just in English, this would be a better one. 

 

English: Thank goodness there's rarely a shortage of fast food jobs. 

 

Or English: Because working the Ren Faire is so much better when you can quote Elizabethan bards.

[CaliAngel]

The thing that's funny is I graduated in Finance because I was lazy and accounting sucked, but I became an accountant anyway.

I have a Bachelor's degree which required I take accounting courses (which is MORE than enough experience for a entry level position) and I'm good with Excel and maneuvering around a computer. Mostly all you need to be able to be an accountant these days. Everything I learned in school I pretty much tossed out the window, I just learned from scratch on the job. It's the easiest job i've ever had, and I'm getting paid more than I did doing anything else.

You don't need to graduate with the exact thing you'll eventually work for, you just have to be in the vicinity and be good enough at convincing interviewers you can do the job. They really like that piece of paper, but what's written on it almost makes no difference.