A look back & ahead to Texas

[Chuck]

This gem from Adam Dodge back in 2010, as our Halos were set to face off against the TexASS Rangers. 

 

 

Foe Fodder: Everything's Big in Texas ... Including the Delusions

 

 

By Adam Dodge - AngelsWin.com Senior Writer

 

“The Stars at Night are Big and Bright, Deep in the Heart of Texas.” This gem of lyrical genius is plastered on just about everything it can be in the state of Texas, as I recently found out when I made my first trip to the Lone Star State just a couple weeks ago. Unfortunately, that trip was not my first taste of what Texas had to offer.

I arrived in the small town of Maryville, Mo., in August of 1997. It was an exciting time for me. I had accepted a football scholarship to Northwest Missouri State University. One of the graduate assistants picked me up from the Kansas City airport and drove me the 90 or so minutes to campus and my dorm building. During the trip, he educated me some on the school, the football team and the town of Maryville. He made mention that he had arranged for me to room with another Junior College transfer — a tight end from Texas. “You’ll like ‘Tex.’ I picked him up from the airport yesterday,” the coach said.

He dropped me at my hall around 8 p.m. that night and I made my way to room 303. The door was cracked, so I just walked right in. What I saw, I’ll never forget. “Tex” was standing in the middle of the room wearing nothing but some faded tighty-whities and a cowboy hat, talk’n to his ma and pa on the telephone. He didn’t immediately acknowledge my presence, so I scoped out the room to see which bed he had left for me. It was pretty easy to spot, since above his bed hung a large, crooked Texas flag.

In the months following, I would come to learn a lot about Texas from Tex, who shared a nickname with every other person who was born in Texas but dwelled outside of it. Here are some of the important lessons Tex fanatically bored me with while we lived together for a few months.

“Hadam (translated from hick to English as “Hey, Adam”), d’ya know that the first word spoken from the moon was ‘Houston’?”

“Hadam, we can secede anytime we want.”

“Hadam, we got more millionaires in Texas than any other place in the world.”

“Hadam, we got more bat species than any other state in the country.”

“Hadam, our state bird is the mock’n bird.”

“Hadam, we can secede anytime we want.”

What I remember most about Tex was that no matter what we were doing, where we were eating, what we were drinking, which girls we were seeing or where we were going, it would most certainly be better if we were in Texas.

What Tex failed to mention, that I quickly learned upon arriving in Dallas and which was reinforced as I made my way to Austin and San Antonio, is that Texas is completely and inarguably miserable.

If a man were able to be magically minimized to the size of a hair and were to dwell between the thighs of James Gandolfini, he would find it cooler and more comfortable than the late spring Texas climate.

Texans are delusional. Look no further than beautiful Texas Hill Country in central Texas, which has a little bit of everything except for, of course, hills.

As the Texas Board of Education attempts to write Thomas Jefferson out of the history books the Texas Rangers look to rewrite the balance of power in the American League West. Rangers fans are believing.

Unfortunately for the irrelevant Rangers, who have won just one playoff game in their history, and for their fans, which pound their chests like only Texans can, 2010 will end in much the same way that the last several years have ended — with the Angels on top, the Rangers sputtering toward the finish line.

Some say the Rangers falter in the heat of Texas. Others say the pitching just can’t hold up. Maybe this year it will be the financial status of the club and its owner. Whatever the case may be, the Rangers will find a way to drift back into obscurity once again.

Upon returning from my trip to Texas, a good friend asked me: “Did you find any place you’d want to live?”

Yes. I did find a place I’d like to live: Southern California. Likewise, the American League West crown won’t be moving anytime soon.

[zenmaster]

I like Texas the state. Spent a lot of time there growing up.

[Chuck]

I like Texas the state. Spent a lot of time there growing up.

 

 

Oh I do too. Remember, this is just fodder for opposing fans to chew on.

 

My folks live in Justin, TX now. Just 30 min from FT. Worth and Dallas, by the speedway. I love visiting.

[rick99gtp]

Fun read.

 

I've now lived here for almost 17 years.  Nearly everyday I hear or read:

 

"The Great State of Texas"

 

"Everything is bigger in Texas"

 

"Don't mess with Texas"

 

"Whataburger is better than In N Out"

 

"I"m fixin' to" and "Ya'll"

 

And, I hate it.

[rick99gtp]

Oh I do too. Remember, this is just fodder for opposing fans to chew on.

 

My folks live in Justin, TX now. Just 30 min from FT. Worth and Dallas, by the speedway. I love visiting.

 

Next time you're in Justin, let me know.  I'll buy you a beer...or something.  

[sneaky_flute]

Fun read.

 

I've now lived here for almost 17 years.  Nearly everyday I hear or read:

 

"The Great State of Texas"

 

"Everything is bigger in Texas"

 

"Don't mess with Texas"

 

"Whataburger is better than In N Out"

 

"I"m fixin' to" and "Ya'll"

 

And, I hate it.

In-N-Out fries are terrible and I say that as someone who grew up in the Bay Area. 

[krAbs]

Fun read.

 

I've now lived here for almost 17 years.  Nearly everyday I hear or read:

 

"The Great State of Texas"

 

"Everything is bigger in Texas"

 

"Don't mess with Texas"

 

"Whataburger is better than In N Out"

 

"I"m fixin' to" and "Ya'll"

 

And, I hate it.

Whoa whoa, what now? What is this blasphemy? All right boys, lets put Texas in its place.

[rick99gtp]

In-N-Out fries are terrible and I say that as someone who grew up in the Bay Area. 

 

And, I would disagree - as someone who grew up in So. Cal.

 

So, that evens that up!

[Chuck]

Next time you're in Justin, let me know.  I'll buy you a beer...or something.  

 

 

I go every Thanksgiving to visit my folks. Kurt Swanson and his family and mine usually get together.

 

Perhaps we can expand it and have a Texas AW get together at a bar. 

[zenmaster]

Oh I do too. Remember, this is just fodder for opposing fans to chew on.

 

My folks live in Justin, TX now. Just 30 min from FT. Worth and Dallas, by the speedway. I love visiting.

 

It was definitely a fun read, that's for sure.

 

I have family in Mesquite. Everyone there is pretty cool, even when I wear my Angels gear. Haven't gotten beaten up or shot yet!

[Angel Oracle]

Which is Adam's favorite state?

Florida?

Texas?

[Blarg]

I drove through Texas once, making sure we minimized our experience as possible we drove though northern Texas along the 40. We stopped for a steak in Amarillo, a dump of a city surrounded by weird landmarks like the largest Cross in the world parked in the middle of the desert. 

 

Outside of Amarillo in the Bushland area (there are no bushes) is a depot for cattle, a large penned in area where they gather as much stink as they can to ruin any passerby's lunch they just ate in Amarillo or ruin any chance for an appetite on the way there. It was horrible, the stench so bad it made your eyes tears up, invaded your throat, assaulted your tongue as if someone was force feeding you a cow turd. 

 

We coughed for miles and about the time the last of the odor started to leave the car with the windows wide open to enjoy all the heat the desert could offer, you see the sign you are leaving Texas. 

 

Whenever I think of flying out to see a Ranger game in Arlington I am reminded of that and think it may just be worse with the stands filled with sweaty Texans in the Rangers heat sink of a ballpark. And let's be clear, they built this stadium without a roof knowing the average game time temperatures in the summer would be in the mid 90's on a cool day. While the Astrodome was considered one of the great wonders of the world when it opened, Arlington is one of the great WTF? 

 

I've been checking off stadiums over the years and I think the Rangers stadium will be number 30, hopefully by that time they are in an air conditioned dome but knowing Texans it will share time as an auction house for cattle just so I don't miss my first impression of Texas. 

 

It stinks.

Edited April 28, 2016 by notti

[Chuck]

6 years later, we have a new Foe Fodder for the Texas Rangers which will be posted later.

This time, Glen gives his take on the Rangers.

[Angelsfirst]

Lets not forget about all the inherit racism and backwards thinking by many people there as well. Not all, but many. Tuck Fexas.

[Chuck]

And more importantly, Ted Creepy Cruz!

[zenmaster]

And more importantly, Ted Creepy Cruz!

 

If Kevin from the office gets in office it will be really awkward.

[Chuck]

I cannot stand this dude more than Hillary. That's saying a lot. 

[Angel Oracle]

Gotta love Boehner's description of Cruz (Lucifer).

[tomsred]

Don't want to turn this into a political forum, but Cruz is a L-O-S-E-R.

[Angel Oracle]

Back on subject, the best part of playing in Texas now is the weather not being as brutally hot as it will be 1-2 months later.

[Grigori]

Trump and Clinton appeal to people who don't pay any attention to policy. I like the idea of no social security or medicare tax. That would be a big help to those who pay most of their tax for social security and medicare, the poor and lower middle-class.  Cruz replaces it with a business flat tax, that yes, would raise prices 5% according to the tax foundation, but with no social security and medicare tax is still a big help to lower-income individuals.  Then, the 10% flat tax, high personal deductions and being able to fill out your income tax on a postcard would help everyone. It simplifies taxes, and helps exports. He allows exports to be deducted from the business flat tax, but applies them to imports. Individual savings are also all tax deductible.  So, it increases savings, helps the working class spend more on things they need, and boosts exports. The tax foundation says it is the most pro-growth plan of all the candidates.

 

That said, I think I detect a lot of jealousy in the article. Looking at a failed state like California, we just have to laugh with our great growth and employment opportunities in Texas.  We're welcoming Toyota's US headquarters moving from California right now. The heat? I have a friend from India who waits until 5:30 after work to run because "It's too cold in the mornings in Texas."  Where he's from it's a lot hotter. It's just what you are used to.  I make it a rule to not run when it's 95 or above, but for some people that is not bad.

 

One out of five people on welfare live in California.  So, you beat us on that score. Not much else, and that's because California has turned up it's nose at conservative economic policy.

[Ace-Of-Diamonds]

I like Texas the state. Spent a lot of time there growing up.

I spent a month in Texas, 1 day in August.

Edited April 30, 2016 by Ace_Richards

[jordan]

I live just south of Dallas, about 40 minutes from Arlington.  I'll be there tonight in left field, hoping for a pull shot by Pujols.  I hope the bats stay hot and Santiago keeps the balls in the park. 

[tomsred]

Back on subject, the best part of playing in Texas now is the weather not being as brutally hot as it will be 1-2 months later.

 

 

That is true.  I lived in Richardson, Texas (just outside of Dallas for about 3 years in the 1970's.  I never liked the weather conditions especially in the summer at all.

[tdawg87]

Did we have one of these threads before the KC series? Seems to be a whammy.