Gummy Bears cause "Intestinal Armageddon"

[Taylor]

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000EVQWKC/ref=tsm_1_fb_lk

 

Check out the reviews. Many lulz to be had.

[IEAngelsfan]

The first review was HILARIOUS!  People around my cubicle must be wondering why I'm laughing hysterically.

[mp170.6]

This is what happens

 

Potassium Chlorate + Gummy Bear

[St1ck]

[1nutkruk]

Great writing.  The third review is pretty good too.

[1nutkruk]

I love the song.

[Redondo]

Those are some real classic reviews. Makes you want to go out and get some, yum.

[Taylor]

This is what happens

 

Potassium Chlorate + Gummy Bear

 

Gnar!!!

[mp170.6]

Ironically, that's how my farts sound after eating some of the stadium food. 

[Rochambeau]

LMAO at "s*#t like a wookie"

[Vegas Halo Fan]

There is a small group of products on Amazon.com that have become legendary because of the facetious customer reviews written about them. I had previously read the one about the Haribo sugarless gummy bears. Another one you may enjoy: The Hutzler 571 banana slicer. I was literally laughing aloud reading some of them. Pay special attention to the last one on the first page written by esc67, and be prepared to lose it when you click on the link for the suggested alternative product "for a few dollars more". Books aren't forgotten either. There are some great reviews of John W. Trimmer's book How To Avoid Huge Ships.

Edited January 18, 2014 by Vegas Halo Fan

[Taylor]

This is my favorite review for the banana slicer:

 

I guess I had what you would call a classic "ninja makes good" story. It's a cliche at this point, but a lifetime of ninjitsu training in a remote Japanese dojo had made me a silent and relentless killing machine. Eventually, however, I could no longer ignore the ethical and moral implications of my trade. I turned my back on my former life and set about making an honest living. The one thing I could do - better than anyone - was slice a banana into perfect, even slices. My work was a wonder to behold. My list of clients included heads of state, famous actors, even a Kardashian. I gave back by slicing bananas for children's hospital patients, entertaining the young ones with my swift yet deft katana work.

I was on top of the world.

When the calls first started to slow down, I blamed the economy. A luxury service like mine, surely, would be the first to go in a global economic meltdown. I felt pity for my clients, a pity that would soon prove the source of bitter irony, for it was THEY who should have pitied ME.

One night, feeling sorry for a favorite client (a leading political and intellectual light who loved her bananas sliced just so), I decided to bestow upon her a gift. How delighted she would be, I thought to myself, when she awoke in the morning and found a perfectly sliced banana, just waiting for her cereal and milk. How she would savor each bite of this lost luxury.

My feet glided silently across the rooftops of the city until I alit upon her roof. Creeping noiselessly down the wall, my heart beating in anticipation, I reached the kitchen window. But before I could slide my fingers to the window to open it, I beheld a horrifying scene. Wielding a 571B, she quickly prepared perfect, even banana slices and scattered them lazily on a bed of wheaties.

It was then that I knew. I was an anachronism, out of place in this modern world, supplanted by a piece of plastic with perfectly spaced banana cutters.

I've returned to my old life these days. Mostly assassinations for hire, with the occasional kidnapping to break up the monotony. Every now and then I'll slice a banana, just to prove I've still got it. But no one really appreciates the true art of the ninja anymore. "Even my 571B can do THAT," they say. But I know. And after I cut off their hands and say "where's your precious 571B NOW?" they know it too.

I'm giving this product one star because it's just IMPOSSIBLE to clean.

[HaloFan85]

I got a small sample pack of these things as a 'thank you' after buying something off of ebay from a guy in Germany, but I ended up throwing them away.  Just opened up my package and there they were.  I knew something wasn't right about those damn things!

[Vegas Halo Fan]

One of my favorites from How To Avoid Huge Ships:

 

 

This book really is one of the best huge ship avoidance references I've come across, not just for the effective methods it teaches as to avoiding huge ships, but also for exploding some of the huge ship avoidance myths that many of us take for granted.

For example:
- Do not charge the huge ship at full speed in an attempt to scare it off. This may work with coyotes, but it is less effective with huge ships.
- Similarly, do not roll your boat over and play dead. Unless the huge ship is captained by a grizzly bear, this will not work.
- Do not attempt to go under the huge ship. This is typically not successful.
- Do not attempt to jump over the huge ship.

Captain Trimmer presents a rather novel technique for avoiding huge ships - move your boat out of the path of the huge ship. I know what you're thinking, this goes against conventional wisdom, but Trimmer presents significant empirical evidence to support his theory. Indeed, over the long run, moving out of the way will dramatically decrease the number of huge ship collisions you will have to endure in your daily life.

 

===============================================================

Another jewel:

 

As the father of two teenagers, I found this book invaluable. I'm sure other parents here can empathize when I say I shudder at the thought of the increasing presence of huge ships in the lives my children. I certainly remember the strain I caused so long ago for my own parents when I began experimenting with huge ships. The long inter-continental voyages that kept my mom and dad up all night with worry. Don't even get me started on the international protocols when transporting perishable cargo. To think, I was even younger than my kids are now! huge ships are everywhere and it doesn't help that the tv and movies make huge ships seem glamorous and cool. This book helped me really approach the subject of huge ships with my kids in an honest and non judgmental way. Because of the insights this book provided, I can sleep a little better and cope with the reality that I can't always be there to protect my kids from huge ships, especially as they become adults. I'm confident that my teens, when confronted by a huge ship, are much better prepared to make wiser decisions than I did. At the very least my children certainly know that they can always come to me if they have any concerns, questions or just need my support when it comes to the topic of huge ships.

Edited January 18, 2014 by Vegas Halo Fan

[Vegas Halo Fan]

One even better, IMO:

 

 

Have you been walking down the street and been struck by a massive ocean liner or aircraft carrier? Are huge ships following you around,scaring away your friends and family? Have you lost sleep at night due to a ships's whistle? Does the Navy harass you because all the ships at the base follow you home? Don't feel alone or threatened literally billions of people deal with this problem every year and fortunately there is a quick and easy solution. Leading scientists at Pompous Blowhard University have developed this easy-to-read book to help people just like you.

In this comprehensive guide you'll learn the following skills:
- How to ship proof your house
- How to make a scareship
- How to turn your front lawn into a giant reef
- How to ward off evil ships with the sign of the anchor
- Where to purchase icebergs
- Feel like a ship is stalking you? Learn how to hire pirates to kidnap it and sail it far away from you

You'll learn and this and much much more but only if you act now! Operators are standing by

[Vegas Halo Fan]

I did some looking, thinking that I couldn't have possibly found all of the funny product reviews on Amazon. Here is a page that lists some other products that have humorous reviews. The two that I listed are on there (the Huge Ships book and the banana slicer), but there are eight others I haven't read yet. For some reason it doesn't include the sugarless gummi bears.

 

Just a quick peek at one revealed - if you want to bust a gut laughing, read the one about uranium.

Edited January 19, 2014 by Vegas Halo Fan