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When bad things happen to good people


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I've been extremely fortunate to have lived 45 years and have had very little death touch me.  My pops passed 12 years ago at the age of 77.  He drank and smoked his entire life so, as far as I'm concerned, he probably outlived my expectation for him.  My mom on the other hand only made it to 69 and was a reasonably healthy woman until she got cancer.  She passed 14 years ago.  But since then, I've had very little unexpected interactions with death.  Until this past month.

 

Made new friends over the past two years since my family moved to the Oregon/Washington border near Portland.  One of the families we've become friends with had a little boy who had just turned 2.  He was diagnosed with cancer and fought it for the better part of the last two years.  My wife and I attended his funeral a few days after Christmas.  Just brutal.  A childs life being taken at such an age really puts one on his heals, especially when you have young ones yourself.  Ran into a buddy yesterday who informed me that another mutual friend of ours lost their 2-year old son on Tuesday afternoon.  The family put their son down for a nap and he never woke up again.  Their older daughter went to preschool with my son so I watched this little guy grow from 1 to 2 years old.  Lots of changes during that timeframe.  Was really fun interacting with him because that is such a cool age.  My kids are almost 4 and 6.  Still very cute but different than a 1 year old.  Really devastating news.  Not sure how a family deals with that kind of loss.

 

These recent losses have really made me think about my own children.  For the longest time I thought they were invincible.  They probably are, in all reality, but having two children that you know pass away does something to you.  In a way, it's distantly like having a break-in/theft at your home.  Until that moment, you feel safe.  You do all the things to guard yourself, protect your belongings, keep everyone in good health.  It seems like just a routine.  And then the security you feel is stripped away in an instance and you get a glimpse of just how fragile things really are and how little it takes to really upset the delicate balance.  It also makes me wonder why sh!t like this happens to really good people.

 

 

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Heavy, I can't imagine the pain those parents are going through.  And then to transfer that pain to your own situation with your kids is something we all do.  Heck now, I can't even read newspaper articles about child abuse, or something similarly terrible because I get emotional thinking about my little ones (1 and 4).

 

My son, when he was 6mo, just stopped breathing when he was being held by his aunt. He was out, and white for 15 seconds or so. My wife performed CPR (I was gone at the time), and he just came to it.  Ambulance to the hospital, and three days there, the Doc really gave no explanation other than the fact that sometimes infants might regurgitate their food and it gets lodged in their throat preventing them from breathing. Doc said it probably won't happen again and we shouldn't be worried. He's fine, and we've somewhat moved on from that but we freak out sometimes knowing we almost lost him.

 

I'm sure all parents have a similar story.  Now I just spoil my kids with my love and attention and live every day to the fullest.

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I had a son pass away due to a heart condition. It was such a horrible experience I wouldn't wish it on the worst person on the planet. There is no doubt I would have given my own life to save his if it were possible. It is something you can't recover from. My wife has never been the same person since. I feel that I live a good life as a good human being but realize that death is a fact of life that everyone will experience and there isn't any way around it. Losing a child just isn't chronologically natural. My son's death has given me a totally new perspective on life in general. There is nothing that says we are guaranteed tomorrow so it is best to treat people as if it was their last day.

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I had a son pass away due to a heart condition. It was such a horrible experience I wouldn't wish it on the worst person on the planet. There is no doubt I would have given my own life to save his if it were possible. It is something you can't recover from. My wife has never been the same person since. I feel that I live a good life as a good human being but realize that death is a fact of life that everyone will experience and there isn't any way around it. Losing a child just isn't chronologically natural. My son's death has given me a totally new perspective on life in general. There is nothing that says we are guaranteed tomorrow so it is best to treat people as if it was their last day.

 

My heart breaks for you guys. 

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Wow somehow I lost an entire (long winded) paragraph that I wrote before I hit post. I will see if I can hit some of the high points. Skins, there is no wrong way to grieve. I would strongly suggest that you don't shut yourself off from the rest of your loved ones. My wife and i had some rough times while going through the grieving process. A loss like that can devastate a marriage. We got through it and are now more in love than ever. I am lucky enough to have a brother that never gave up on me when my wife and I were greiving over Alan. I know he didn't always understand it but he was always there for me. It is much easier to keep living when you have support from your loved ones. You need to embrace who and what your son is. Alan was 21 when he passed so about the only things we could agree on consistently was Angels baseball and John Wayne. I know it sounds hokie but time is a great healer. The pain does not go away we just deal with pain better.

Sorry the original paragraph was simply brilliant so sorry you missed out on it. Lol.

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Splint, thanks for the kind words. Watching you go through that made it that much easier to respect you.

A few years ago I went to a 2 year olds funeral, he was the son of someone that I worked with. The boy was at home with his dad and grandma, who both thought the other one was watching him. He got into a jacuzzi and ultimately drowned. Seeing the tiny coffin while playing his favorite songs, which were nursery rhymes hit me like very few other experiences I have ever had in my life.

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