Can't stop farting

[tdawg87]

So I've been farting a lot recently, but not having to poop. Nothing in my diet has changed, but it seems like every night a handful of firecrackers go off in my underpants. For example, I started counting about 2 hours ago and after a crescendo, my fart total reached 52. That's 26 farts per hour. 

Am I going to die?

[mtangelsfan]

It's from digesting this Angels team.

[Blarg]

Yes, you are going to die. Timetable yet to be determined.

[NJHalo]

Remember when your parents told you not to play with matches?

[IEAngelsfan]

Do something constructive with that.  Stick a tube up there and store the gas.  You should be able to run some type of methane running machine or vehicle.

Start thinking of the environment and do your part! 

[Jason]

The only thing you have to be concerned about is if the poop decides to show up during one of those farts. 

[AngelsLongBall]

Never trust a fart; just make sure you don't gamble and lose

 

[Chuck]

You're basically constipated. It's natural for your body when it's plugged up to release what it can during these conditions. 

I recently went through this since I was on pain meds for my torn rotator cuff. I couldn't shit for almost a week, other than the occasional pellet or two that came out. My farts smelled like sulfur, eggs and death. I had to quarantine my ass to the downstairs unit until the milk of magnesia finally kicked in and I was constipation free. 

My poor wife.

[Tank]

have i mentioned that i teach jr. high? when you figure out a solution for this issue of constant farting, please share here. there are days i feel like i'm stuck in the middle of a cattle farm.

Edited April 25, 2017 by Tank

[the dude abides]

1 hour ago, cezero said:

also, could you please update this thread about your digestive health? the frequency report you gave is super interesting, but i'm talking about size and color as well. and maybe include any incidents of hemorrhoids en sech?

We need a deuce forum.

@Chuckster70, make it happen!

[Blarg]

Maybe you're not familiar with the AngelsSpin political forum. 

[tdawg87]

Well I do have chronic hemorrhoids so there's that. It sometimes feels like I'm shitting rocks that are on fire.

[IEAngelsfan]

Hemorrhoids are a pain in the butt.

[Brandon]

4 hours ago, Chuckster70 said:

You're basically constipated. It's natural for your body when it's plugged up to release what it can during these conditions. 

I recently went through this since I was on pain meds for my torn rotator cuff. I couldn't shit for almost a week, other than the occasional pellet or two that came out. My farts smelled like sulfur, eggs and death. I had to quarantine my ass to the downstairs unit until the milk of magnesia finally kicked in and I was constipation free. 

My poor wife.

opioids are no joke.

i took a gang of hydrocodone when i had hernia surgery and was in more pain from not being able to shit than from the surgery. i literally tried everything to get myself to shit. 

[Blarg]

May cancer surgery left me with really bad constipation and you can't leave the hospital until you have a bowel movement. From the first waking moment to the final end result (not pretty and I'll spare you all the story) they used oral liquids, pills, injections, and suppositories. The cramping was the most painful part of the entire time in the hospital. 

[JAHV76]

5 hours ago, Tank said:

have i mentioned that i teach jr. high? when you figure out a solution for this issue of constant farting, please share here. there are days i feel like i'm stuck in the middle of a cattle farm.

You work in Chino?

[Tank]

constipation has been an issue since my surgery last summer, and it's one of those things that just comes with the territory. some of the people i know drink a tea you can buy commercially that helps with BMs. i don't, and just go it naturally. i'm not nearly as gassy as i was pre-surgery, mostly because my diet has changed so much.

so tdawg, my advice is for you to have weight loss surgery, immediately.

[Tank]

20 minutes ago, JAHV76 said:

You work in Chino?

it only smells like chino with maybe a little bit of norco thrown in.

[Brandon]

try pb8. it's the same shit they give to people that do colonics. it regulates the gas build up.

[Jason]

 

[Brandon]

some of those can't be real. the fat chick that had the chewbaca sounding fart was funny. there's no way that first chicks third fart was real, that shit was like a minute long.

this however is real:

 

[Jason]

Haha!!  Deaf people really are missing out.

[Stradling]

3 hours ago, Tank said:

it only smells like chino with maybe a little bit of norco thrown in.

I recently moved from Chino to Norco.  

[Blarg]

1 hour ago, Jason said:

Haha!!  Deaf people really are missing out.

When you lose one of your senses the others sharpen to compensate. Like the olfactory nerve. They miss nothing. 

[the dude abides]

10 hours ago, AngelsLongBall said:

Never trust a fart; just make sure you don't gamble and lose

 

Is it wrong that I'm kinda turned on after watching that?