Clean jokes thread

[Lou]

On 2/4/2019 at 4:37 AM, Lou said:

The Los Angeles Rams 

the classics never get old 

[Adam]

What do you call a black doctor?

[Lou]

3 minutes ago, Adam said:

What do you call a black doctor?

doctor.

[Lou]

what's brown and sticky?

[Blarg]

1 hour ago, Lou said:

what's brown and sticky?

@tdawg87's underwear.

[Lou]

nope 

a stick .

[Blarg]

This is one case where even tdawg will say you're wrong. Just don't ask for proof.

[Adam]

15 hours ago, Lou said:

doctor.

Correct!

[Lou]

1 hour ago, Adam said:

Correct!

whew! thought maybe you were thinking of the other response. 

[St1ck]

33 minutes ago, Lou said:

whew! thought maybe you were thinking of the other response. 

[Lou]

Still hitting them corners in them lo-lo's, girl

[Brandon]

22 hours ago, Adam said:

What do you call a black doctor?

MLK?

[cysomeawfulpitcher]

What did Johnny say when Mark asked him what his favorite city in California is?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Taylor]

Why couldn't Ray Charles read?

 

 

 

 

He didn't learn Braille.

[Vegas Halo Fan]

[Redondo]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were out for a ride. They come to a cliff overlooking a valley.

Down below were 10,000 Indians on the warpath.

The Lone Ranger looks at Tonto and asks, what are we going to do?

Tonto replies, what do you mean we, white man?

 

 

[Lou]

3 minutes ago, Redondo said:

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were out for a ride. They come to a cliff overlooking a valley.

Down below were 10,000 Indians on the warpath.

The Lone Ranger looks at Tonto and asks, what are we going to do?

Tonto replies, what do you mean we, white man?

 

 

This is the first joke I can remember my dad telling me when I was a kid. 

I still use the punchline to this day. 

[Redondo]

3 minutes ago, Lou said:

This is the first joke I can remember my dad telling me when I was a kid. 

I still use the punchline to this day. 

Lol, I heard this a long time ago also.

Still gets the point across.

[Redondo]

A guy enters a bar. He notices a sign that says win $1,000

He asks the bartender how it works.

The bartender says he has to beat up the guy at the end of the bar.

Then pull a bad tooth on a Doberman Pinscher.

Then he has to give the old hooker an orgasm.

The man accepts the challenge.

He fights the man at the end of bar and after a long fight he wins.

He heads upstairs afterwards and everyone can hear the oohing and aahing.

He comes down the stairs all worn out and says, now where's the hooker with the bad tooth?

[Blarg]

Well, you botched that joke. He was supposed to drink a fifth of scotch before the event. That sets up the dog joke. 

[Redondo]

7 hours ago, Blarg said:

Well, you botched that joke. He was supposed to drink a fifth of scotch before the event. That sets up the dog joke. 

Lol, that sounds better. I heard it so long ago it was hard to remember.

[Tank]

there's another version of that joke where a guy in a desert spends time with a camel instead of riding it into town to find a hooker.

[fan_since79]

"An older lady gets pulled over for speeding"...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there e a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Don't Mess With Old Ladies

[Taylor]

I saw that same joke on Reddit a couple days ago, although it was a man who got pulled over instead of an old lady. It's a classic.

[Taylor]

A priest, a reverend, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says, "I'm a type O."