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yk9001

My dad

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My dad is an interesting guy. He's worn a lot of different hats in his life, but was always a good, loving father that wanted to engage with all of his kids on a deep level. He was born and raised in Hawaiin Gardens and still carries a lot of that attitude with him I think. He played piano and trumpet in the Air Force and is a really phenomenal jazz piano player to this day. He also spent several years of his life playing pool for a living. For most of the time I was growing up though, he was a boiler mechanic. One funny story from that era: The shop he worked for used to pick one Saturday a year to charter a fishing boat out of Newport. It was a kind of employee appreciation/bring your kids out for the day thing. One year when I was about seven, we went out on the boat and had a great time. When we got back, my dad's work truck had been towed. He called the towing company and they told him he couldn't get his truck back until Monday (which means three days of fees as well). This didn't sit well with my dad, and we just happened to be with a bunch of guys with some pretty heavy tools at their disposal. Long story short, cutting torches are awesome.

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Great thread.

My dad and i butted heads a lot as a kid. He was very strict, and i resented that because my friends dads (mostly) werent. Definitely a different generation...just about all my neighborhood friends growing up had dads who were vets. I always assumed you were supposed to join out of high school (all the men in my family served, all in war or at least wartime)

My dads father bailed when he was very young, and his mother died a few years after, so he was raised by a stepfather. I really dont know their relationship. My gradnfather got mad at my uncle when i was a kid, so he moved and we never heard from him again.

My dads brothers and sisters were never around. One i met just recently, she seems successful. The other aunt ive never met but heards shes had drug problems, and my uncle has been in and out of prison most of his life. My dads the total opposite.

My dad is pretty anti war, but voluntereed for vietnam. As a kid i would study in awe the pictures of my dad, uncles, and grandparents from the wars (ww2, korea and vietnam). It was kind of a bond watching old war movies with my dad at night while he ate ice cream from the carton after my mom and sister went to sleep. I get my interest in history from him.

My dad helped coach me in baseball but we only went to a handfull of games growing up. Like a lot of you, my dad was very cheap. But, he raised me well and ive done very well at saving because of him.

Worked his ass off. Got a job with the county out of the army, and hed usually take the week of christmas off. Other than that i dont remember him ever missing work. The very few vacations we took as a kid were all about 3 days long, within driving distance.

As o hit my teen years i turned into an asshole, and thats when my dad and i really butted heads. Couldnt stand him. Looking back now though, he was just letting me learn life the hard way. He hrew up poor in a shitty area and had to take care of himself, so he figured id have to do the same.

As i grew up and matured (and stopped being a jackass) my dad and i got closer, to wahereas in the last decade or so i adore the man. I love him more than i can ever express to him i guess (my personality), but as a someone who hasnt had kids yet, i guess i kind of treat him like mine, as weird as that may sound.

Hes sick now, and im worried. And he is too, which is weird because my whole life hes been so calm. Im trying to stay positive but cant help but worry. Im just glad he and my mom stayed together and have each other. They fought like crazy when i was a kid. Moms and irish alcoholic, dad got sober when i was younger and always had to deal with the drunk redhead. But thankfully they made it, and shes there with him for this time.

Because he worked so much i dont have a lot of stories of one on one time with him. Mostly tv and playing baseball/basketball with me. But he also was big on helping me with my homework, which far too many parents ignore.

But the thing that stands out the most is that going back to when i was a kid, until now, my dad will give me, you, or anyone else the shirt off his back. Hes the most selfless man ive ever known in my life, with old school courtesy no one has anymore (at least around here). Boot camp was pretty easy for me to adjust to because from the earliest age my dad tsught me military customs and courtesy. To this day my dad says things like "i beg your pardon" instead of excuse me, and my pleasure when someone thanks him for holding a door open. Hes definitely a unique man, throwback from another time.

Not really sure how im going to handle things if the doctors dont get him right...

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My Dad passed away in 2013 at the age of 84 after a long battle with complications of diabetes. He was not in good shape the last few years of his life, and it was a relief to know he wasn't suffering anymore. 

It's hard to look at the old home movies and see him as a young, vibrant man, strong and healthy. I'm still dealing with his loss, so there's not too much I'll say here at this time. He was a good father and worked hard to provide for his family. Too hard, probably.

My Dad was also a baseball fan. Of the Philadelphia Phillies, and the A's. He grew up in Philadelphia, and saw lots of games at Shibe Park (later renamed Connie Mack Stadium), the home of both teams. He liked to tell us that he saw Bob Feller pitch against the A's as part of a doubleheader. He took me to my first Phillies game and many thereafter. After we moved to California, he became an Angels fan. He didn't like the Dodgers much (didn't like Lasorda). When he and my Mom moved to the Bay area, of course he became an instant A's fan, and even when he became sick later on, managed to get to a game or two every year.

One of my prized possessions is a Bob Feller autographed baseball that my Dad won in a charity auction and gave to me. And one of my favorite memories is listening with him to Jim Bunning's perfect game on Father's Day, 1964. I remember that ninth inning like it was yesterday. I was ten years old. That was the high point of that year, a season marred forever by the team's collapse in the final two weeks. That really stung, and I could sense how upset my Dad was by the weird turn of events. He told us he was planning on buying World Series tickets. We moved to California before the Phillies finally won it all in 1980, but nobody was happier than Dad.

Well, I could say a lot more, but this is all I can share in this forum at the moment. The rest is too personal and difficult.

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4 minutes ago, Blarg said:

Last March my father passed away from too many complications to list. One was Alzheimer's and about a month before passing I had spent time with him and really wish he had known it. As a young man in Paris, one of my favorite pictures of him.

 

DAD PARIS 16x24 JPEG.jpg

Cool pic! Thats crazy to see it so empty.... where are the gypsies? 

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On 8/15/2015 at 6:53 PM, Stradling said:

What an amazing thread. I've been incredible busy getting caught up at work and haven't had a chance to post in this thread. I'll share more about my dad or my thoughts on how he's impacted my relationships with my own kids when I have time to write as thoughtful and as thoroughly as you all have. I don't know if it's the timing of this thread but this might be my favorite all time thread on here, it's truly spectacular.

So I guess I have been busy for the last 4 plus years.  

So my dad was 40 when I was born and I remember thinking that I wanted to have kids at a young age.  So my first son was born when I was 22 years old and my second son was born when I was 27 years old.  I wanted to be more present and involved than my dad was.  I fully understand that my dad wasn’t purposely distant from my activities when I was growing up he was generally sleeping because he worked graveyard.  He worked graveyard so he could be at home, sleeping or otherwise, when my mom worked.  He wanted to be home to keep the kids safe or out of trouble.  We were always safe, but my siblings were constantly in trouble.  

As it relates to my relationship with my kids, there is just much more dialogue that happens between my kids and myself than there was between me and my dad when I was growing up.  Not a single conversation ends without us saying “I love you” because that is important to me.  When I was done talking to my dad on the phone, there was no I love you, it was simply, “ok” and then dial tone.  When I think back on it, it is awesome, but in the moment it was always puzzling.  I later found out that my dad never wanted to say goodbye, he didn’t believe in good byes.  If we were lucky we would say, ”I love you” and he would answer back, “Well alright then” and then dial tone.  

My dad was my dad, so if I screwed up he would calmly tell me I screwed up and that is all it took.  I am not sure what I did or didn’t do with my boys, but my word is not gold with them nearly as his word was gold with me.  They know they can tell me anything and I won’t be judge mental, except for my son who likes to smoke pot.  There isn’t that healthy fear that we had with my dad.  I know my boys know they can ALWAYS count on me, but sometimes, I want to cut the shit, say exactly what I mean and not have it misinterpreted.  Maybe they will learn to trust me at a higher level as they mature.  Or maybe I will just grow into a better communicator that deserves more trust.  Time will tell.  

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here are some pictures we used at my dad's funeral last June. the first one is him and clark gable side by side - my dad was frequently compared to him and really liked to milk it, even going as far signing an occasional autograph for those who couldn't see the difference. the middle picture is my dad being my dad. it's from the early 80s and always gave us a good laugh. the third picture is with dad and my brother in the early 80s. it's my favorite picture of the three of us.

65627332_10218235908382626_2373336156822568960_n.jpg

65464298_10218235905982566_1166793969800052736_n.jpg

65555995_10218235906102569_8747621820896641024_n.jpg

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9 hours ago, Tank said:

here are some pictures we used at my dad's funeral last June. the first one is him and clark gable side by side - my dad was frequently compared to him and really liked to milk it, even going as far signing an occasional autograph for those who couldn't see the difference. the middle picture is my dad being my dad. it's from the early 80s and always gave us a good laugh. the third picture is with dad and my brother in the early 80s. it's my favorite picture of the three of us.

65627332_10218235908382626_2373336156822568960_n.jpg

65464298_10218235905982566_1166793969800052736_n.jpg

65555995_10218235906102569_8747621820896641024_n.jpg

Thats funny! First thing I thought of was to make a joke about clark gable being your dad.

The middle pic looks like hes in a 70s comedy, with an ensemble cast.

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On 2/3/2020 at 4:33 PM, Blarg said:

Last March my father passed away from too many complications to list. One was Alzheimer's and about a month before passing I had spent time with him and really wish he had known it. As a young man in Paris, one of my favorite pictures of him.

 

DAD PARIS 16x24 JPEG.jpg

That is fantastic.

I swear, I thought this was my dad.

My kids think of my dad as nothing but an old man who wore sweats.

Men in the day used to look good.

I will try to find a picture.

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