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Useless business claims


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Several unverifiable and (should be) non-influential claims that businesses make:

 

Award-winning - Exactly what award did they win, and who presented it?

 

Fastest growing - I see this in connection with auto dealerships more than anything else. The lot always looks to be the same size every time I pass by.

 

Voted best .... - I have yet to participate in an election for best anything.

 

Space age technology - This one isn't used a lot anymore, but I still see it. Sputnik went into orbit in 1957.

 

Lowest prices - This varies by item, and unless you put every competitor under constant surveillance, there is no way to verify it.

 

Four out of five doctors/dentists recommend - And how many of them were on the advertiser's payroll?

 

Studies show that - What studies, and who funded them?

Edited by Vegas Halo Fan
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Lifetime Warranty -- on something that can't ever be returned or removed. 

 

Along with this comes some ridiculous requirement, like returning it in the original packaging with a copy of your purchase receipt (like you're going to have either one 20 years from now), or it would cost more for you to ship the old item back than to buy a replacement.

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Guaranteed.  Bunch of fine print underneath.  Most of the time guaranteed means that it's free of defects.  So if it breaks, it's not really guaranteed.

 

insured.  Post office insurance specifically.  It could take a month to get there.  They only insure that it didn't get totally lost or broken.  Once you open up a claim, they actually go look for it.  If you never file a claim, it could be in the missing persons pile for years.

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REI return policy falls in the Craftsman category. Saw someone return a pair of socks once after a few years...because he decided they were itchy. Also saw a person return a pair of pants after a few years because...they didn't quite fit right anymore. Guy behind the counter said cheekily..."oh, they probably shrunk a little"...

 

Hell, I returned a pair of well worn hiking boots after two years because the sole was becoming undone a long the edges. I was just asking them for options to fix it, wasn't a big issue more of an aesthetic thing and the guy went in back and brought out a new pair and told me don't bother - return the old ones. $5 later brand new hiking boots.  

Edited by red321
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We'll beat anyone's advertised price, or your mattress is free!!!  --  news flash, there's never been a free mattress.  All they have to do is charge $0.01 less than their competitor.  

 

This is also quite the scam when it comes to electronics.  They say they will match any competitors price by 20% if their price is lower.  This is usually at big box stores that make such claims.  Well, big box stores buy in such bulk that they are assigned an exclusive model number to the products.  Usually it will also have one additional feature listed that others do not have listed.  The others still might do that feature, but theirs will be the only one listed.  So, if you go in with the cheaper item advertised, they will give you either sorry, but that's model number xyza and ours is xyzb so they are different items or they will say it's not similar because ours does feature a and theirs does not.  But in reality, they are exactly the same.

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REI is pretty great. They have become a bit more strict, but not much.

Speck computer cases is pretty good. The corner of my laptop cover cracked and the sent me a new one right away.

 

Crockpot is another...wife called to order a replacement lid...they didn't have the lid in stock because the model was so old, so sent us a brand new crockpot, free of charge. Carnitas for everyone!

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Lifetime Warranty -- on something that can't ever be returned or removed.

We'll beat anyone's advertised price, or your mattress is free!!! -- news flash, there's never been a free mattress. All they have to do is charge $0.01 less than their competitor.

Yep, this one bugs the shit out of me. Why would they give anyone a free mattress when they could simply beat their competitor's price by a cent.

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Guaranteed.  Bunch of fine print underneath.  Most of the time guaranteed means that it's free of defects.  So if it breaks, it's not really guaranteed.

 

insured.  Post office insurance specifically.  It could take a month to get there.  They only insure that it didn't get totally lost or broken.  Once you open up a claim, they actually go look for it.  If you never file a claim, it could be in the missing persons pile for years.

Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer's sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.

chris-farley-3-tommy-boy.jpg

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Craftsman tools. They do not say a word, just take the crescent wrench that you managed to turn into a metal pretzel and hand you a new one.

 

I have a friend that scours pawn shops and yard sales for broken or worn down Craftsman tools on the cheap and then just takes them to Sears and gets a brand new replacement.

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REI return policy falls in the Craftsman category. Saw someone return a pair of socks once after a few years...because he decided they were itchy. Also saw a person return a pair of pants after a few years because...they didn't quite fit right anymore. Guy behind the counter said cheekily..."oh, they probably shrunk a little"...

 

Hell, I returned a pair of well worn hiking boots after two years because the sole was becoming undone a long the edges. I was just asking them for options to fix it, wasn't a big issue more of an aesthetic thing and the guy went in back and brought out a new pair and told me don't bother - return the old ones. $5 later brand new hiking boots.  

 

sounds similar to Nordstrom. my wife is aware of one of their stores giving a refund to a customer for a set of tires, a product they don't come close to selling.

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REI return policy falls in the Craftsman category. Saw someone return a pair of socks once after a few years...because he decided they were itchy. Also saw a person return a pair of pants after a few years because...they didn't quite fit right anymore. Guy behind the counter said cheekily..."oh, they probably shrunk a little"...

 

Hell, I returned a pair of well worn hiking boots after two years because the sole was becoming undone a long the edges. I was just asking them for options to fix it, wasn't a big issue more of an aesthetic thing and the guy went in back and brought out a new pair and told me don't bother - return the old ones. $5 later brand new hiking boots.  

 

In the movie "Wild," Reese Witherspoon's character calls REI from one stop on the Pacific Crest Trail to tell them she bought the wrong size, and they ship a brand new pair to her next stop. 

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This is also quite the scam when it comes to electronics.  They say they will match any competitors price by 20% if their price is lower.  This is usually at big box stores that make such claims.  Well, big box stores buy in such bulk that they are assigned an exclusive model number to the products.  Usually it will also have one additional feature listed that others do not have listed.  The others still might do that feature, but theirs will be the only one listed.  So, if you go in with the cheaper item advertised, they will give you either sorry, but that's model number xyza and ours is xyzb so they are different items or they will say it's not similar because ours does feature a and theirs does not.  But in reality, they are exactly the same.

Yep I read that before. Different serial numbers. Only time price match worked was when kids bought an XBOX at BestBuy apprx 3 weeks before the price dropped. So they (BB) refunded the price difference when they took in their receipt - I think it was 50 bucks.

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I've used price match a number of times at Best Buy, and Fry's. Best Buy I've used it multiple times, including saving about $300 on a new receiver. Best Buy had it for close to $600, Amazon had it for close to $300. Looked it up on the Amazon app on my phone, showed them it was from Amazon (and not a 3rd party seller on Amazon). And that was it. Same thing with a new printer, memory card, etc. Fry's made me work a little harder, they did go and look the item up on the website and do a quick comparison.

 

Target will do price match now as well, found the Ticket to Ride boardgame for $15 less on Amazon. Took it up to Customer Service, bam...insta stavings. 

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insured.  Post office insurance specifically.  It could take a month to get there.  They only insure that it didn't get totally lost or broken.  Once you open up a claim, they actually go look for it.  If you never file a claim, it could be in the missing persons pile for years.

 

I shipped a package to my stepdaughter by UPS. They told me that insurance was standard with their shipping. They broke a computer that I packed in the box (with bubble wrap - so they really had to abuse it to do what they did). Said that they wouldn't cover it because the UPS Store I shipped it from didn't do the packing.

 

I haven't used UPS since.

 

 

Yep I read that before. Different serial numbers. Only time price match worked was when kids bought an XBOX at BestBuy apprx 3 weeks before the price dropped. So they (BB) refunded the price difference when they took in their receipt - I think it was 50 bucks.

 

Used to be quite the scam when Packard Bell was a major player in the personal computer market. Stores would give price matching deals - knowing full well that nothing would ever happen, because PB gave a different model number to the computers they shipped to each major vendor, meaning that there would never be a direct comparison.

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When I was in school, I had a Jansport backpack. After 2 years I broke the zipper and put a tear in it. They sent me a new backpack. I was surprised they stood by the lifetime warranty and it was super easy.

 

Here are some ridiculous sales techniques:

 

"Free Estimate". Who the heck charges for an estimate? Why would someone agree to pay for an estimate??

"Second item is FREE! Just pay processing & handling". It's a money grab for infomercials. The P&H costs $9.99 per item. In total that's $20 just in shipping for both items. That alone will covers the cost of the items & shipping, not including the price of the product.

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Anytime a TV commercial advertises a product and says:

 

"Zero Interest Financing"  -- I'm out, unless it's a car, but even then.  Who buys stuff that requires financing based on a TV commercial?

 

"We'll send you a FREE informational DVD" (without revealing the price) -- that's a total deal breaker.  I'm sure it's too expensive.  They do this to obtain your contact information.  You'll be hassled by mail and telephone to purchase later.

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