FOE FODDER - OAKLAND

[nando714]

You seem to forget that the avg soccer mom cheats on her husband with dudes that aren't boring and are hung

[Lhalo]

Believe it or not, they do have a team....its handball. And im not lying.

I cannot thank you enough for this valuable piece of information. At the very least I owe you a drink.

[ten ocho recon scout]

I cannot thank you enough for this valuable piece of information. At the very least I owe you a drink.

I think if its a drink bazed on information about richland, its only prudent the drink is a 40 ounce.

[Chuck]

 

By Adam Dodge, AngelsWin.com Senior Writer - 

 

In high school I had a classmate named Trevor. Orange High was, and I assume still is, a school populated mainly by the children of working-class families. We didn't have a bunch of rich kids. Most of us grew up in pretty modest homes with two working parents. We drove used cars when we turned sixteen, worked P/T jobs and went to community colleges after graduation - a very average school with a very average student body. Except for the Asians, of course.

 

Trevor didn't fit an Orange High student profile. He was very poor. He lived in a trailer park with his uncle. He couldn't afford even modest shoes and clothes. He was in the same jeans and a white t-shirt every day. His shoes were worn. He had no car. Physically, he was unattractive. Scrawny with acne, Trevor was far from being a BMOC (big man on campus). 

 

Despite his disadvantages, Trevor consistently pulled the finest sixteen and seventeen year-old tail in the city limits. We're not talking about the nerdy band chicks who were secretly hot under their glasses and stupid faux lettermen jackets. We're talking cheerleaders and bitchy student government broads with tans and racks. 

 

It was baffling.

 

He must have had a great personality and a ton of confidence, right?

 

Nope. He was a shy dipshit with no sense of humor. 

 

He must have been incredibly bright and articulate, right?

 

Not at all. He was in and out of the continuation school down the street all four years and never graduated. 

 

There can be only one explanation. While it has never been confirmed, deductive reasoning allows for only one conclusion. Trevor was hung like six horses. 

 

As the Angels head into the land of brawling pregnant whores to take on the Oakland Athletics, we're faced with yet another mystery. How can a team so disadvantaged - with no money or fans, an awful ballpark in one of the worst neighborhoods in North America, comprised of has beens, never will bes and never wases consistently dominate the standings?

 

There can be only one answer. The A's must not have a single dong measuring anything less than 8 inches. 

 

Good looks and riches cannot compete with an overgrown pork sword on a day to day basis. Think about it. The guy in the band with a third leg is sleeping right now. Soon, he'll wake up, eat a burrito, pop open a beer and watch cartoons. Meanwhile, the well paid accountant is on his third cup of lukewarm Folger's, knee deep in P & Ls.. 

 

What is the lawyer up to this weekend? He'll be up at 7am to tend to his garden before spending his day at the soccer field watching seven year-olds do nothing for hours on end. Our bassist with the python? He will be at the beach with a bunch of chicks on a 48 hour bender. 

 

Sucks, right? 

 

Well, not so fast. Who's going to be spending weeks in Hawaii in 15 years? Who will have a big house, nice car, successful children and a 10 handicap when it really matters? Who will the prom queen wake up next to every morning in the end? 

 

Not our buddy with the anaconda. He'll be sneaking off to the dive bar for some Buds on his lunch break from Guitar Center. He'll share a frozen pizza with his three roommates for dinner every night. His girlfriend will have five kids from six different dads, all named Spider. 

 

This A's team will party. It will likely party for the entirety of the regular season. But like every other overgrown bologna pony, it will lose out to a classier, cleaner more established penis come October.

 

 

 

I had to read this again this morning to wash away last night's loss. Well done, Adam! One of your finest. 

[mrwicked]

hilarious.

[Docwaukee]

that article is hilarious!!

 

I never realized that Richards has a dragon tattoo. 

[nando714]

So trout couldn't handle Oakland's enormous rod for consecutive nights

[ten ocho recon scout]

Bumping again for overgrown pork sword

[LAAMike]

Since you bring up our old high school insecurities. it makes it even more unsettling to get beat by the Oakland "Long Dongs".  Well written and I am amazed that no one has brought the Erick Aybar/Alberto Callaspo hot dog hijinks into this thread. 

[Taylor]

I wonder what the Foe Fodder this weekend on AthleticsWin.com looks like.

[nando714]

Thread delivers

And Oakland is hung beyond belief

[ten ocho recon scout]

http://deadspin.com/heres-a-guy-with-two-fully-functional-penises-nsfw-1492986433

Its very possible this guy is an oakland fan

[Glen]

I wonder what the Foe Fodder this weekend on AthleticsWin.com looks like.

They don't need to do one. They just win.

[Blarg]

I wonder what the Foe Fodder this weekend on AthleticsWin.com looks like.

 

Probably about some slut they used to know in High School that used up all of Daddy's money on coke and wrecked a few Porsches so now she is forced to take the bus.

[tdawg87]

Something about the Angels players having massive vaginas.

[Lhalo]

http://deadspin.com/heres-a-guy-with-two-fully-functional-penises-nsfw-1492986433

Its very possible this guy is an oakland fan

The comments section of that article is mind boggling.

[ten ocho recon scout]

I should have bumped this a few weeks ago but now is as good a time as any.

'Overgrown pork sword' is still my favorite term ever written on here

Edited September 17, 2014 by ten ocho recon scout

[Adam]

I had to submit some writing samples for a project I’m trying to get. Hope the dude is cool cuz I sent him this one

[Claude]

6 minutes ago, Adam said:

I had to submit some writing samples for a project I’m trying to get. Hope the dude is cool cuz I sent him this one

Still great five years later. 

[ten ocho recon scout]

2 hours ago, Adam said:

I had to submit some writing samples for a project I’m trying to get. Hope the dude is cool cuz I sent him this one

I hope the subject line read "overgrown pork sword"

[SlappyUtilityMIF]

Hopefully, the reply won't go similar to below...

 

My name may or may not be Trevor! But, you're hired Adam.

ps. Thank you, for remembering the length of my overgrown pork sword..Attached, is a photo of my 3 Porsche's

 

Solid writing! 

[stormngt]

The A's dominate the standings?  Is it 2013?

[tdawg87]

10 minutes ago, stormngt said:

The A's dominate the standings?  Is it 2013?

You are amazing.

[Stradling]

Pork Sword is a good name for a punk band.  

[Brandon]

What’s Trevor’s LinkedIn?